I grew up hating parties.
My experience with them has always entailed the following:
- Small talk
- Avoiding small talk
- Avoiding eye contact
- Seeing how long I can go without putting my foot in my mouth or tripping over my words
- Finding the nearest family pet to distract myself while still making it seem like I’m participating in a group activity
If I did talk myself into attending a party — out of guilt, obligation, or a genuine desire that, ‘this time’, I would show up and wow people with my conversational prowess — it would always end with me regretting my decision.
I felt like people were judging me for being awkward. I felt unlikable because no one talked to me or included me in their conversations, I could leave the room and no one would even notice.
But I understand a lot more now than I did back then.
Back then I didn’t realize that I was creating my own result.
Before going into any party I already held the belief that I wasn’t as good as everyone else and that I didn’t belong.
That belief made me extremely self-conscious.
Feeling self-conscious caused me to hide from attention, avoid eye contact, and rethink every word coming out of my mouth.
Those actions created the result that I didn’t belong.
(Can you say ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’?).
But it doesn’t have to be that way!
What I finally know now, is that I can decide ahead of time how I want to feel at that party.
Instead of going into it looking to get validation that I’m liked or accepted, I can focus my attention on giving connection. Being truly curious about other humans, getting to know their life stories, and their personalities, and not making it about me.
When I decide ahead of time that my purpose for showing up is connection and keeping an open mind to see what the event brings, those thoughts allow me to feel more relaxed
When I’m relaxed, I act more like myself.
And when I’m acting more like myself, I create the result of belonging.
Instead of basing your self-worth on the reaction of other people (which you have no control over), you can take control by deciding ahead of time how you want to feel. Choose the thoughts that will cause you to take better actions, show up with intention, and create a better result.
Discover What’s Possible