Committing to Commit

So here’s the thing about committing…you can’t try to commit to something. You have to decide up front that you’re all-in, that it’s a non-negotiable. It’s getting up at 4am to get to the gym by 5am, now matter how sore or tired you are, or how comfortable your bed is. It’s staying home on a Friday night to write that thing that’s due by Saturday even though your friends are texting the shit out of you to go out with them to a club. Or the movies. Or dinner. It’s respecting yourself enough to honor the commitment you made, to YOU, in order to better yourself, or to better your situation. It’s not giving up on YOU, even though giving up on yourself is so much more comfortable, and, oh, so much more familiar.

Maybe you already knew all of this? I will admit it has taken me a very long time to figure out this piece. I’ve always been really good at deciding to try something new, and then beating myself up when I would (predictably) quit. Every time. No matter what it was…writing that paper, going to the gym, trying to find a different job. I would find a temporary, external motivation like a blog, a movie, or an Instagram post, and when the external motivation faded, so did I. I mean, after all what did it really matter? It was only myself that I was letting down, it’s not like anyone else was getting hurt?

Then one day, after beating myself up for quitting yet another thing, I found my answer. I noticed that, if a friend or family member asked me to go somewhere with them or help them with something, and I told them I would do it, then I would do it. I would show up for them, no excuses. Obviously they mattered to me so I wasn’t going to let them down? And that’s when I understood why I couldn’t commitment to myself, it was because

I DIDN’T MATTER TO ME.

I didn’t possess enough self-respect to follow through with the things I told myself I would do. I wasn’t important enough to show up for me.

You always hear people on social media and podcasts talk about how “we need to love ourselves”, and I was never sure what that meant exactly? I mean, it’s not like I hated myself, so, wasn’t that kind of the same thing? But then I remembered an epiphany I had once (a long, long time ago) when I realized that two people couldn’t truly love each other unless they also had respect for each other. So then, wouldn’t the same hold true for the relationship we have with ourselves?? I mean think about it…if I didn’t have enough self-respect to honor what I told myself I would do, then I didn’t really have self-love either, which was why I could repeatedly quit on myself. It’s because, at the end of the day, I didn’t honestly believe that I was worth showing up for.

That may sound sad, but it allowed me to wake up to the fact that I needed to start respecting myself. To understand that I WAS worth showing up for, and worth loving too, for that matter. I mean, would you ever say out loud to your best friend, or a loved one, the things that you say quietly to yourself? Would you ever treat them like they weren’t worth showing up for? YOU are a living, breathing human being, YOU are worthy of respect, and YOU are worthy of love. Doesn’t matter what you’ve done, or who you’ve been, or what your circumstances were in the past. You are a perfect creature made by God, or the Universe, or whatever you choose to believe. You are a part of this world and you are worth showing up for, so BELIEVE THAT, for your sake, for the sake of your friends, and for the sake of your loved ones.

So commit to something. Today. It doesn’t need to be something huge and scary, just start small. Commit to getting up a little earlier to spend some time in thought by yourself, or journaling. Start a morning routine that sets a positive, even tone for the day. Or commit to spending a half an hour – or one hour – a week doing something creative…color, paint, make something, dance, or go for a walk. Whatever it is, block out the time, and make it a commitment, a non-negotiable.

Because YOU are worth showing up for.

Please feel free to comment below, I’d love to hear your feedback.

And thank you for reading my little blog πŸ™‚

-Vicki

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