If life were truly fair, many of us would be in trouble.
Have you ever secretly envied someone because they have more than you? More money, a
nicer house or car, a better body, or a better job?
Most of us probably have, because we’re human and have access to the internet.
The reality is, for everything in our lives that we feel isn’t good enough, someone else has even less. Just take a look around…you can always find someone else who has less money, no house or car, or a disability.
So do we really wish life was fair?
It’s About Us, Not Them
When we say “life isn’t fair”, what we really mean is “I should have more than I do”.
That type of thinking comes from our own scarcity mindset, and it keeps us from creating the happiness we think we’re missing.
For example:
Thought:
“That’s not fair.”
Feelings We Generate From That Thought:
- Anger
- Resentment
- Self-pity
Actions We Might Take When Feeling Those Feelings:
- Indulge in negative emotions
- Shut down or withdrawal
- Seek more evidence that life isn’t fair
Here’s What We’re Not Doing While Stuck in Those Feelings:
- Taking care of ourselves or our mental health
- Looking for ways to improve our situation
- Appreciating what we do have
The Result:
We’re the ones being unfair to ourselves.
The reason we focus so much attention on someone else’s situation is that taking responsibility for our own circumstances feels so much harder (it actually isn’t), but it’s the work we need to do if we want to be truly happy.
We Create Our Own Happiness
Happiness is within our power to create.
Looking outward isn’t the answer.
What someone else has or doesn’t have is irrelevant to our situation. It’s not their life that’s causing us pain, it’s our thoughts about their life. And thoughts can be changed.
The first step to creating our own happiness is recognizing when we’re in a scarcity mindset.
Most of us have had negative mindsets running on autopilot in our brains for years (yours truly included), but it is possible to change that.
We need to recognize when we’re choosing negative thoughts, and intentionally choose a thought that feels better in our bodies. Instead of the default thought “I don’t have enough”, which feels horrible, try something that feels more neutral such as “This is what I have right now”, “This is just my starting point”.
It’s a matter of re-training our brains. When we find our brain reverting back to the scarcity thoughts, gently re-direct it to the new thoughts we’re trying to cultivate. It takes time, so be patient with yourself.
Second, get to work. Write a list of what you have in your life that is enough. It could be “I have a job”, “I have a roof over my head”, “I have a body that has accomplished ‘x’”, or “I have family and friends that I love, and who love me”.
Try to come up with at least as many positive aspects of your life as your perceived negative ones.
Third, and most importantly, work on improving your relationship with yourself.
You have enough.
You are enough.
Give yourself credit for everything in your life you’ve accomplished and built so far, no matter how big or small. Look at all you’ve created, what you’ve accomplished, and ways you’ve helped other people.
Your old, negative thoughts have occupied your brain for years if not decades, so be patient, we won’t adopt new thoughts overnight. For the best results, write them in a journal every day to remind yourself of the intentional thoughts you’re choosing to think now.
Using our perception of other people’s lives to beat ourselves up doesn’t serve us. It may feel easier now, but it only holds us down in the long run, and prevents us from creating our own happiness.
Instead of focusing on how unfair the world is to us, we need to focus on how unfair we are to ourselves.
That’s where we need to start.
I love you, and I believe in you.
Discover What’s Possible