3 Steps You Can Take (Today!) to Beat Overwhelm as an Escrow or Title Professional

Few people outside the title/escrow business understand the hustle it takes to run a successful desk.

Maybe this sounds familiar to you:

You walk into your office Monday morning, Starbucks in hand, optimism in full effect, ready to conquer your workday.

Then you start scrolling (and scrolling) through emails.

And notice the red light blinking on your phone.

And the stack of files on the corner of your desk from Friday.

Overwhelm starts to set in, your shoulders start inching up around your ears, and your chest begins to tighten. It’s enough to make even the most dedicated of us want to run for our TikTok fyp.

You’re not alone!

When we spin out in overwhelm it’s because of our thoughts, and the feelings that those thoughts generate. Our brain is telling us that the tasks ahead are too much:

We’ll never get them all done (failure).
We don’t have an answer for that lender or agent (inadequacy).
We have to admit a mistake – even if we’re not the one that made it (vulnerability).

These unproductive thoughts lead to unproductive actions, which leads to more overwhelm.

But you can break that cycle.

Here are 3 steps you can take to start conquering overwhelm today.

Step 1: Get a Plain Journal or Notebook

Go into your closet and grab one of the seven journals that you started but never finished (or is that just me?).

Give yourself an hour for this exercise, and do it the same day/time each week. I find that Sunday mornings, coffee in hand, dogs next to me on the couch, is the best time for me. I’m in a relaxed state and thinking with the logical part of my brain (prefrontal cortex). You definitely don’t want to do this when you’re under pressure or already stressed.

Now write down all of the to-do items that wake you up at 3 o’clock every morning…the question you’ve been meaning to ask underwriting, the 1,000th email you need to send to the seller’s agent, your daughter’s soccer game that you volunteered to bring snacks for.

All of it.

You’ll want to start freaking out at the number of tasks on your list – but don’t! You don’t have to do any of it yet, or even at all if that’s what you decide. The point is to just get everything out of your brain and onto paper.

Step 2: STS (Schedule That Shit)

Go back into your closet, next to the stack of unused journals, and get out one of your unused monthly calendars.

It doesn’t need to be fancy or complicated, simple is actually best.

Open up your calendar for the upcoming week and schedule each task on your list.

Each task gets a time frame:

Email client – 7:30am – 7:45am

Walk at lunch – 12:30pm – 1:00pm

Stop after work to get soccer snacks 5:30pm – 6:00pm

Again, don’t panic! It’s your calendar, you’re in control. You get to decide what goes where, or even if it goes at all.

Schedule with kindness! Don’t sabotage yourself by planning an entire day, or days, of back-to-back tasks. You don’t need to be super-human to get it all done, just realistic.

For example, if you’re not a morning person, don’t schedule a gym session for 5 am. If you know your brain is typically dead by 6 pm schedule your high-functioning mental tasks before 3 pm, or, better yet, before work.

Pro tip: Schedule self-time FIRST. It can be as simple as taking yourself to lunch or dinner, even binge-watching Yellowstone (yes, you can still binge tv shows! Just schedule it). We know how quickly self-time goes by the wayside if we don’t make it intentional.

Also, think about delegating tasks when possible: order groceries online, use auto-pay for your bills, or even hire a house cleaner to come in once a month, if that’s feasible for your budget.

Step 3 – DO. THE. DAMN. THING.

Spoiler Alert: You will want to avoid this step.

Your brain will try to tell you it’s too hard or uncomfortable.

It will tell you to pick up your phone, head for the fridge, or go get more coffee.

Expect those thoughts. Be ready for them.

When they arrive just tell your brain to settle down, and then put on your big girl pants and get it done.

Five minutes of feeling uncomfortable beats two weeks of having that same task hanging over your head while you beat yourself up for not having done it.

Budget the time you think each item will take, then use ONLY that time, and move on. If you’ve underestimated how much time you needed then re-schedule another time to finish it.

Obviously, there will be circumstances outside of your control, but it’s your schedule, and you get to decide how to respond.

This isn’t about writing yet another to-do list, and it’s not about wearing our busyness as a badge of honor or feeling sorry for ourselves.

It’s about making decisions on purpose, then executing those decisions. We know what to do, we know how to do it, and we’re worth the effort.

Now, get to scheduling! I’d love it if you’d drop your comments below and let me know how this works for you, or if you have any questions!

How Is Your Fear Holding You Back?

When I was 10 years old I knew I wanted to play the drums. My parents didn’t take me seriously, because, back then, it just wasn’t something girls “did”. But I also didn’t take myself seriously, so I never pursued it.

But the desire to play drums never left.

I was 38 when I bought my first set of drumsticks – just the sticks – I suppose it was a way of dipping my toe in the water.

I was 41 when I bought my first full drum kit. The kid working at the music store asked if the kit was for me, and helped me pick out a set, but I remember I was so afraid of being judged that I kept my head down and couldn’t even make contact with him (even though he was very nice!).

I had no idea how to play, but I set up the drum kit in my garage. I played along to rock songs on my iPod. I had no idea how to read music, but I could play by ear, and actually hold a beat pretty well.

I played on stage for the first time when I was about 45. My wonderful brother-in-law challenged me to sign up for a program at a local music store that put musicians together into groups, gave them practice space, and then put them on stage at a legit nightclub downtown. I had never even played in front of anyone at the time, not even my family, but I accepted the challenge anyway (if there’s one thing I CAN’T do, is turn down a direct challenge).

The day I went to sign up for the program the room was filled with mostly men around my age. I didn’t know a soul.

When I wrote my name onto the sing-up list I was terrified. My mouth was as dry as the desert, I couldn’t even swallow. My hand was shaking so badly I didn’t even recognize my own signature.

Everything within me told me to run away, go back home.

Instead, I sat in a corner and waited for my turn to play.

When my turn came I walked over to the band area and sat down at the drum kit. Now, I’m 4’11 and the kit I used was set up for a grown man, but I somehow made it work. I did hit the rim instead of the drum head a couple of times, but I had rhythm, I knew the song, and I wasn’t half bad!

It was the first time in my life that I played drums in front of other people, and it was more exhilarating than I could have imagined!

After playing one song we were all assigned into separate bands. Over the next 4 weeks, each band would practice together 4 times, and then we would get to play live, on an actual stage, in front of an actual audience.

As scared as I was to sign up that first day, I imagined that the fear of playing on a stage in front of 100+ people would be debilitating.

The day of the show came, and I was definitely nervous, but it was one of the few times in my life where I felt like I was LIVING. It was a high I will never forget. I knew I was exactly where I belonged.

Our band sounded really good! We played 5 songs and I savored every second. I was in my element and there was nowhere else I would have rather been.

I was 45 when I first got paid to play a gig at an actual venue. It was the first time I felt like I could truly believe I was a drummer.

Our band stayed together for a few years, playing fairly regularly at bars around town. I stopped playing for a while when my husband started to become really sick. It was too difficult for him to be alone so I focused on that and ended up selling m,y drum kit. I knew I could always buy another one, but for the time my focus had to change.

I’m 54 now. I recently bought an electronic kit after moving into an apartment. I signed up again for the same music program as before, and we got to play on stage again a few weeks ago.

Playing drums is my happy place, and I have no intention of stopping.

When I was 10 I gave up on my dream before I even gave it a chance, and I hate to think about what would have happened if I gave it up a second time, simply out of fear?

My fear was that people, strangers, would think I looked stupid. Not only for being a female drummer but for being one at my age.

I was afraid they would think I sucked.

I was afraid they would think I didn’t belong.

The truth is I was already thinking all of those things about myself.

My real fear was that those thoughts would be echoed by other people, and, thereby, validated.

If we didn’t believe other people’s thoughts about us, we wouldn’t feel pain from them.

If someone told me “I don’t like you, because you have blue hair”, I would think they’re crazy. I know I don’t have blue hair. And just because someone tells me I have blue hair, that doesn’t make it true.

If someone told me “You suck at playing the drums”, my pain would come from my own thought “maybe they’re right?”. If I’m already doubting myself, then their words would only validate my self-judgment.

But just because someone says I don’t know how to play the drums, doesn’t make it any more true than saying I had blue hair.

Maybe they don’t know what to listen for? I can play songs, I can play along in a band, I can pick up sticks and move around a drum kit to a song.

Maybe someone else truly believes that I know how to play the drums? That still just makes it their opinion, not a fact. And why would I let one person’s opinion invalidate what I believe to be true?

Their opinion can only be true if I ALSO choose to believe it.

Fear is just a feeling, it’s a vibration in our body. And feelings can’t harm us. Not if we process them…feel them, allow them, then let them go.

What are you choosing to believe? What are you letting fear hold you back from?

Let me know in the comments, I’d love to hear from you. ☺️

How Do You Measure Your Self-Worth?

Happy Monday strong humans 🙂

I know your time is valuable so let’s get into it.

How do you measure your self-worth?

Is it your hustle? What you can do for others? What you can produce?

When I was in my late teens and twenties I was a workaholic.

I went to high school during the day and worked at a fast-food restaurant at night, sometimes until closing, which could be as late as 1:00 am.

After graduation I got a “real”, 8-5 office job, I started as a receptionist but quickly proved myself to be a very hard worker and moved up quickly. In order to impress the ‘higher ups’ I started coming in early and staying late. I even worked weekends.

My bosses loved me, and I was making good money.

I lived like this, even after having my first baby, for several years.

My first marriage ended after just two years (to be fair we were both still children when we first got married).

In my early thirties, I remarried and had two more babies. By then my focus had shifted. I not only had to prove myself worthy to my coworkers and bosses, I also needed to prove myself worthy to my kids and my husband, and his family, while still working full time.

Shortly after that, my husband became sick, and I felt I had to prove myself as a caregiver.

Looking back at this makes me feel exhausted.

In a nutshell, I’ve lived my whole life feeling that I was only as good as the work I could produce, and what I could do for other people.

Because I’ve only known how to view my worthiness through their eyes.

Only their approval of me mattered, mine meant nothing.

And I feel like a lot of women are living their lives the same way.

Are you one of them?

Unfortunately, the answer isn’t as easy as repeating a mantra, or shoving down your current thoughts and swapping them for a “happy” one.

So what does it take to truly acknowledge our self-worth? To believe it?

First, we need to look at why we ever questioned ourselves in the first place.

Who told us, or got us to believe, that we weren’t worthy?

And why did we choose to believe it?

However it started, it’s in the past, and we don’t have to believe it anymore. We’re adults now, and we get to choose whatever thoughts we want to think now. Intentionally.

Do you want to believe you’re only as good as someone else thinks you are? Do they know you better than you do? Or do you want to finally believe in your own self-worth?

We live and breathe. Our brain contains chemicals that can generate enough electricity to power a lightbulb!

It takes six muscles just to operate the human eye.

We are capable of loving others. Our children. Our parents. Our siblings. Ourselves.

We are walking miracles. We are born being worthy of love. And that never changes.

The only thing that changes are our thoughts about ourselves.

But we can change them back.

Find that worthiness in yourself, it’s there, I promise you! You just need to see it, and accept it.

And if you need any help with that just let me know. No matter who you are, or what you feel you’ve done to lose it, I GUARANTEE I can show it to you 🙂

Don’t waste one more day giving away your power, your worth.

Decide to take it back.

Start today.

You’re worth the work. I promise. ❤️

Primal Vs Prefrontal – a Tale of Two Brains

Photo by That’s Her Business on Unsplash

Did you know that, as humans, we function primarily from two different parts of our brain?

They’re the polar opposite of each other, and their functions are the difference between sitting down and working on a college thesis, or binge-watching Tin Star (highly recommend!) the whole weekend.

Let me introduce you to them:

The Primal Brain

Its job is to

1) Seek pleasure

2) Avoid pain

3) Be efficient (which, in this case, is NOT a good thing!)

Back in the primal days being full, being warm, avoiding uncomfortable situations, and thinking ‘inside the box’ literally meant staying alive. (We weren’t always at the top of the food chain).

The Prefrontal Cortex

This is known as the ‘higher-thinking’ brain. It’s the workhorse, the intentional, problem-solving brain, and it’s available to us 24/7. We can tap into it any time we want.

Most of us just don’t know how.

The primal brain is considered ‘efficient’ because it runs on default, which takes no energy or conscious thought to operate. Because of this, it tends to generate the same (often negative) thoughts so often, for so long, that they become our unconscious beliefs:

“I can’t do that”, “I don’t know how”, “I’m not good enough”, “Things like that are only available to other people, not me”.

But imagine for a moment…what would be possible for us if we decided to challenge those default thoughts? If we chose an INTENTIONAL thought instead? How would those intentional thoughts feel in your body?

We don’t have to choose an opposite thought right away because most of us have found that forcing positive thoughts doesn’t work. But we could decide to choose a thought we can believe, one that would serve us:

“What if I could do that?”, “What if I could learn how”, “What if I AM good enough, right now, just as I am”.

Pick an intentional thought from your higher brain, make sure it feels believable, and make sure it’s a thought that will serve you. Then journal that intentional thought, every day. Make it part of your routine. “I AM worthy, just as I am”. “I AM capable of learning this new thing”. “I can do hard things”.

YOU CAN RE-TRAIN YOUR BRAIN to think thoughts that work FOR you. Tap into that prefrontal. Make it intentional.

It will change your life.

I wish you all a very happy, intentional week!

And Happy Valentines Day my beautiful friends ❤️

The Thoughts You’re Holding Onto, Are the Same Thoughts Holding You Back

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Do you ever find yourself wanting something more? Something different? Something better?

What if I told you the only thing holding you back from that ‘something’ – was just a thought?

Let me explain…

Do any of these sound familiar to you?

I’m not good enough
I’m not worthy
I don’t know how
I might fail
People will make fun of me

Are any of these sentences you’ve said to yourself? And if so, how often?

The thoughts we default to over and over again create a thought loop. They can often be negative (see any of the above), but we repeat them so often that they become the path of least resistance for our brains.

Our brains are designed to be efficient, so they will choose that default thought – over and over – until it becomes automatic and requires no energy to generate.

These are called ‘unintentional’ thoughts.

Now here’s the good news.

Thoughts are never facts. They are optional sentences in our brain.

And we don’t have to choose them.

Instead, we can challenge them.

Try this (play along, I promise it will be worth it!): Read the unintentional thought, and then the intentional thought. Pause for just a second to notice the different feelings these thoughts generate in your body

Unintentional Thought:

Intentional Thought:

I’m not good enough
I don’t know how
I’m not worthy
I might fail

But what if I am good enough?
What if I could figure it out?
(That one is a trick. You are worthy. 1000%. So stop it)
What if I succeed?

When you read the unintentional thought “I’m not good enough”, how does that feel in your body?

Tight? Heavy? Dark?

Now, when you read the intentional thought “But what if I am good enough?”, how does that feel in your body?

Take just a second to believe the intentional thought is truly available to you.

How does that thought feel in your body?

Does it feel lighter? Brighter? Maybe even hopeful?

Can you start to imagine generating that feeling on purpose?

Intentional thoughts are available to us. Every day.

Let me prepare you, it’s not as easy as just flipping a switch. You can’t fake it, or guilt yourself into it, or beat yourself into submission.

First, you have to get curious (there’s absolutely NO self-judgment allowed!). Where did those negative thoughts come from? Your childhood? Have you been carrying them with you your whole life? Did they serve you at some point by keeping you safe, or keeping you from feeling sad, or hurt?

It’s time to challenge those thoughts. You’re an adult now, you don’t have to keep the unintentional thoughts just because they’re familiar, and thereby, comfortable. You can choose to let those thoughts go.

Find a believable, intentional thought. Something as easy as “I am someone who can figure it out”, or “I’m worthy simply because I’m a human”.

Journal the intentional thoughts every day. Write sticky notes if that’s what it takes.

You can form a new neural pathway in your brain. It’s possible. It just takes practice.

So, how about you?

Are your thoughts serving you?

Or are they holding you back?

I’d love to hear your comments ❤️

Hi, I’m Vicki

I coach single, empty-nester women to discover who they are, and what they want. Then I teach them how to go get it. I just launched my 6-week program where I help you discover what you want from the next stage of your life. Are you in?

Learn more

So Where Do I Go From Here? Navigating Empty – Nester Syndrome

After my husband passed away last year, I decided to sell our four-bedroom house and move to a two-bedroom apartment that I would share with my 21-year-old daughter and her girlfriend.

I was so excited at the prospect! For the first time in 25 years I had a bedroom and master bath all to myself.

I could keep it as clean or dirty as I wanted.

I could decorate it however I liked.

I could even leave makeup and tools all over it if I felt like it.

So one afternoon I took my excitement to the home goods section at Target and got ready to buy all the things that reflected MY personality.

Then, as I stood in front of their wall of towels, (and coordinating accessories), it hit me.

I had no idea what to get.

I had no idea what I even liked.

I didn’t know what color or pattern would represent my style, because I had no idea what my style was.

I had no idea who I was.

I had spent the last 25 years of my life raising kids, being a wife, and being a caregiver. I had confused who I ‘was’, with whatever role I had taken on.

But I had no role now.

It was just me. Dealing with me.

I was about the prospect of finally claiming my own space. But, when the time actually came, I felt completely overwhelmed.

I stood in front of that wall of towels (and coordinating accessories) for about 30 minutes. I finally gave up and just grabbed something that I felt okay with, and went home.

I felt defeated.

Not actually by towels, of course.

But by the thought that “I have to get it right.”

Like there was a right or wrong way to decorate my bathroom!

(Spoiler alert – there isn’t).

I ended up going home, washing everything, then placing it around my bathroom anyway. And you know what? I liked it! I even started thinking about a pretty accent color I could add to make the space even more me.

But this is about more than just picking out towels for your bathrooms or a color pattern for your kitchen or living room.

It’s about the empty–nester process.

Maybe, like me, you’ve spent the last 10, 20, or 25 years living for other people, and considering their needs and wants.

And now, we’re having to re-learn who WE are, and figure out how to start living for that person.

Let me reassure you – there is no right or wrong way to move forward with the 2nd stage of your life!

Explore! Have fun!

Do something you’ve always wanted to do, but never ‘found time’ for.

And be patient. Give yourself some grace. There is no time limit, you don’t have to have it all figured out before you start moving.

Just start.

Take one step.

And if you don’t like where that step takes you, change it. Shift. Regroup.

You can always change the color of your towels.

You can figure this out!

I believe in you 🙂

If you’d like to learn more about how to adjust to being an empty–nester you can contact me at vcpike2@gmail.com. You can also follow me on FaceBook at Your Next Step, and on Instagram at vicki.pike_lifecoach.

I’d love to hear your story 🙂

Holding Space for Yourself

Okay, before you write this off as all ‘woo-woo’ hear me out…

You may already have an idea of what ‘holding space’ means, but just so we’re on the same page, I describe holding space as:

Listening without judgment, no matter what is being said
Staying ‘out of the pool’ – not agreeing with the person’s story, not feeling sorry for them or justifying their emotions – just listening quietly, and with compassion
Being patiently and giving them all the time they need to get their words and emotions out

Maybe you’ve already done this for a friend, a loved one, or even a customer or an employee.

But have you ever done it for yourself?

Have you ever help space for YOU? Have you ever listened to your own feelings and needs, from a neutral space, without judgment, and with compassion?

I recently made the difficult decision to end a romantic relationship, even though I did (and still do) care very much for this person.

We separated on good terms, but shortly afterwards I found that I kept returning to a feeling of anger towards them. The thoughts coming up for me were that they weren’t who I needed them to be, or who I thought they should be, and if they had been, then none of this would have happened.

Now I know that this person wasn’t truly making me angry, it was my thoughts about them that were causing my own feelings of anger (‘they should be different’, “the circumstances shouldn’t have been be so challenging”).

It took me a few days – and many thought downloads – to understand my real problem.

I was sad.

Even though I’m the one that decided to end that part of our relationship, I was still very sad about it, and I was mourning the loss.

The problem was, I didn’t want to feel sad. That emotion was WAY too uncomfortable, so I was trying my best to avoid it. For me it was much easier to feel anger, because I could at least project that onto someone else, and not have to own it (spoiler alert, that actually doesn’t work 😬).

When I finally decided to let go of my ‘false’ anger and get curious about my sadness, it allowed me to discovered another underlying thought that I was trying to avoid…the thought that somehow I “didn’t have the right to be sad because I’m the one that caused all the pain to both of us in the first place”.

Ouch. 🙁

(Can you believe the way we talk to ourselves sometimes??)

Once I discovered that these thoughts were the actual cause of my pain, I decided allow them, explore them, and to hold space for myself.

I gave myself permission to be sad. To allow it. To feel the feelings, without judgment, without reacting, and process them when I was ready.

It was difficult for sure, and brought up some issues that I wasn’t aware I had been avoiding. But finally understanding the thoughts that were causing my pain felt so much better than projecting anger at someone I loved.

And that’s the same option I’d like to offer for you…to hold space for yourself. Just like you would for a loved one, your best friend, or a child.

Whatever you’re going through, whatever feelings you’re trying to work out, make sure to have compassion for you. Have your own back. Don’t judge. Identify your thoughts that are causing your feelings, allow them, and process them.

And always remember to love yourself through that process.

You’re 100% worth it.

Kayaking in Northern California

I spent most of my 53 years growing up in Southern California. When I was in my late 30’s I decided to move my husband and our two young children, ages 8 and 9, to Northern California, near the Sacramento area.

My reasoning was twofold…my husband had been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis a few years earlier and I knew the cooler weather and better air quality would be best for him. I also wanted to trade in Southern California concrete and freeways for Northern California trees and open spaces.

I’ve never regretted it! It’s a beautiful area, with biking and hiking trails everywhere you look. Folsom Lake is a short drive away. The American River is also about a 20 minute drive, where they hold a yearly ‘mini’ triathlon that includes a 6 mile run, a 12 mile bike ride and a 6 mile paddle down the American River. There are also numerous trail runs held every year by local towns and by running retail stores. I’m more involved in outdoor activities more now at age 52 than ever before.

And here’s why:

The Folsom Lake nature preserve is only accessible by kayak. I bought 2 kayaks when we first moved to Northern California, mostly because I wanted something that was a minimal investment, little to no upkeep, and no gas or registration fees. Also something that I could load and unload myself.

Just like everything else I do however, loading kayaks onto my Dodge Durango was pretty much trial and error the first time (it didn’t occur to me to Google it first 🤷🏻‍♀️). I’m 4’11 so it’s not an easy feat to get each 35lb kayak securely onto the top of a full-sized SUV!

On my first attempt I had tied both kayaks to the top of the Durango (or so I thought), with my kids and husband along with me for the ride. Not more than 5 minutes into the trip I made a turn and heard a thunk. Still driving, I could see from the corner of my eye the whole assembly sliding off the top of the car and swing down the passenger’s side of the SUV.

Luckily they were still loosely attached onto the top of the car by a single tie down, so at least they didn’t fall to the ground! I was able to safely pull over, unload everything on the side of the road, then try to re-load it all while everyone waited in the car. I promptly returned home, humiliated, and we decided to try again another time.

PSA…when tying kayaks to the roof of ANY vehicle, be sure to TIE THEM TO THE ROOF RACK AS WELL AS THE KAYAK RACK! I realized my error was to secure the kayaks to just the kayak rack, which was NOT clamped tightly enough to the rails of my car rack. Consequently the whole kayak assembly is what proceeded to slide off the roof of my car while I was driving.

I made the next few trips by myself until I was confident that I had figured out how to tie secure the kayaks properly. And it was definitely worth it:

A sunrise trip with two of my kayaking sisters

Tunnel to enter into the wildlife preserve on Folsom Lake

2019 was the first (and thankfully only) year so far that the local lakes were so low on water that the only way to access the wildlife preserve on Folsom Lake was to cross the main body of the lake, then get out and walk your kayak into the preserve. The water was too low for anything to float on it 🙁. I’m hoping the water doesn’t get that low again any time soon.

There are many, many kayaks to choose from if you’re looking to buy your first one. I went with something lower priced, light weight and good for beginners, which was an Emotion Glide kayak (now called Lifetime kayaks). I knew I would be almost exclusively on lakes and wanted something good for still water.

Of course you could get much higher end kayaks for substantially more money. I remember one morning I was on the lake, digging in with my paddles trying to generate some speed (and breathing a little heavy, not going to lie), while a lovely older gentleman sped silently past me in his long, lean, sleek kayak, working half as hard but covering twice as much distance. -Goals!

So if you’re just starting your kayaking adventures my advice would be to do your research first to decide what kayak would best suit your needs and your price range.

As far as loading it onto your vehicle – YouTube it! There are plenty of good tutorials about loading and safely securing your water craft.

Besides that, just grab yourself a backpack, a towel, sunscreen, plenty of water and maybe a snack, then GO!

There are plenty of us fellow kayakers out there who would be more than willing to offer help if you need it, and plenty of smiles and waves 👋🏼 as you cruise by.

Leave a comment if you’re a kayaking enthusiast, if you’re looking into them, or if you have any questions!

As always, thank you for reading my blog 😊

Sometimes You Just Want to Feel Bad

Yesterday I went to the gym, feeling good about the workout because I knew I could do it. Throw a bar over my head 15 times, then do some single-under (haven’t mastered the double-under yet) – I was looking forward to it!

Except when I got to the gym and tried throwing that bar over my head. 15 times. I went into it with an expectation that the ‘prescribed’ weight was fairly light, I knew I could get it off the ground and up to my shoulders. But unfortunately that wasn’t the workout, the workout involved yanking it up from the ground and throwing it directly over my head all in one motion.

And that I could not do. Not even once.

So I stripped the bar and added a lighter weight. Still couldn’t do it. So I stripped that weight and added the smallest weight I could before having just an empty bar. I was finally able to handle that one, but I was bummed that it didn’t go the way I had expected it to. At all.

Disappointed, I left the gym and went home to get ready for work, only to discover that my dog had gotten on the counter while I was at the gym, and had eaten the cornbread that I was planning on having with my lunch that day. And then, when I went to change my clothes, I pulled my sweatshirt off over my head and got my hair caught on the zipper, yanking out a substantial chunk of my hair.

By that point it was only 6:30am and my day was off to a REALLY bad start! I wasn’t in full-fledged self pity mode yet, but I was definitely staring at the possibility.

Later on at work, in an attempt to make myself feel better, I decided to take a break and drive to Starbucks for my favorite coffee (blonde vanilla latte with two pumps of caramel please and thank you). And then when I got back to work to drink it, I realized they had forgotten all the flavoring and it was basically just a coffee with steamed milk (wah-wah).

Normally this would have sent me straight into a full, grown-ass-woman pout for the rest of the day – which is NOT pretty!

But recently, I’ve started understanding just how much power we actually have over our own feelings.

They’re not something that just happens.

As an experiment I asked a few people on Facebook what they did for a ‘pick me up’ when they were feeling down, or when things weren’t going their way.

Their answers were all a little different, but ALL involved doing something that didn’t address the actual problem. Instead, they chose something that allowed them to AVOID THE BAD FEELING ALTOGETHER. Whether that was bingeing on Netflix (a common answer), or indulging in food, alcohol or online shopping.

***We just want to do something that will make us feel better right now. We hide in something comfortable to avoid feeling uncomfortable.***

Rather than deal with the uncomfortable feelings, we choose to hide from them. What we want is something that will make us feel better right now, so we hide in something comfortable to avoid feeling uncomfortable.

Have you ever done this? And does it really serve us? Do we consider the long term effects of eating all that candy or carbs? Do we consider the long term effects of drinking that alcohol? Do we consider the long term effects of that cigarette, or too much online shopping? Are we really willing to pay – in the long term – for the effects of all those habits just to avoid whatever uncomfortable, TEMPORARY, feeling we’re having right now?

Here’s something to consider…why not just let ourselves feel bad? Who says we’re meant to be happy 24/7?? Well, besides the internet, tv and radio. Every day. All day 🙁

But, just maybe, we’re not here on earth to be happy all. the. time. That without the bad, we wouldn’t know what good IS. Without sad we wouldn’t know what happy is.

“If we only experienced positive emotion all the time, we wouldn’t even know it was positive. We wouldn’t be able to distinguish beauty without knowing what ugly is.”
-Brooke Castillo
The Life Coach School

One thing I realized about my no good, really bad day is that it was all brought on by my expectations on how the day SHOULD have gone. In my mind I SHOULD have been able to lift that weight, I SHOULD have been able to enjoy the cornbread (did I mention it wasn’t just cornbread, but HONEY cornbread!!?), there SHOULD have been sweet creaminess in my coffee!

Without me having those expectations, would my day really have been that bad? I mean: #1 I still had a good workout. #2. I still had another box of cornbread I could make. #3. I still took a break from work and had a nice, hot coffee.

Eventually, I just accepted the fact that my day was obviously not meant to follow the expectations I had set out for it! And instead of fighting that reality, or feeling sorry for myself, I thanked God and the Universe for showing me a bad day so I could truly appreciate my good days…how many coffees, before that one, were just fine? How many times have I PR’d at the gym that I’ve only been going to for 4 months (3 PR’s btw!). How many times have I taken off my sweatshirt without ripping out my hair with the zipper? (Honestly that had never even happened to me before that day).

Your feelings alone can’t hurt you, only your reaction to them can.

So maybe the next time you’re feeling disappointed, sad, frustrated, or even scared, instead of reaching for something to mask that feeling, something to make you feel better right now, just acknowledge it. Your feelings alone can’t hurt you, only your reaction to them can.

Learn to look at the feeling objectively, maybe even with a little curiosity…What triggered you into feeling that way? Did something (or someone??) not meet an expectation that you set for it? Or for them? Did something not go the way you felt it should, or expected it to?

If you’re feeling bad, or sad or scared, it’s alright to just accept that it’s just the way you’re feeling for the moment. It’s temporary, there is no need to hurry and move away from it or hide. Realize it for what it is, that whatever you’re feeling is OKAY, because you’re human. Make your peace with it, and then keep moving on. Just like good feelings, bad feelings end too.

It’s going to be okay my friend 🙂

Thank you for reading my little blog 🙂

Quick tip for giving wilted veggies new life

I don’t know if you’re like me, but when I buy stalks of kale, romaine or spinach greens at the store, I feel like I’ve doomed them for a direct trip into the trash can 🙁 It seems like they wilt after just a couple of days and certainly don’t look appetizing.

In order to try and save some of the money I had been (literally) throwing away on fresh produce I gave this a try: If the lettuce has ‘stalks’ or stems, like the varieties mentioned above, pour a few inches of cold water into a large cup or smaller bowl. Cut the bottoms of the veggie stems about an inch, and place them in the vessel:

Give them a good 15 to 30 minutes, and then end up looking like this:

Much happier veggies!! The downside is that you really have to COMMIT to using them afterwards, because you obviously won’t be able to repeat this too often before the veggies give up the ghost altogether. Also, if you leave them in the water too long, they go completely to the other side of appetizing and start losing their color and texture 🙁 So no procrastinating! Be thankful that you’ve given your veggies (and wallet) a boost and use them to bless your body, like they were originally intended.

Thank you for reading my little blog 🙂